SPEAKING OF LOVE AGAIN :

The other day I wrote about how my wife knows that I love her: because I turn her light off. Literally thousands of people have read that post since then, and the general theme is, the women go, Ohhh and the guys go, Dude sssshhh. :-) I have received so much direct comment, I thought I would share how such a strange thing came about.

The simple answer is :

I have literally loved this woman since the moment we met. We were individually told that we would be perfect for each other, and, as we thought that was ridiculous, we each spent the next few months avoiding each other and fighting the "setups".

Anyway one day, not knowing who she was, I saw her walk across the room at a party and all I could say to myself was "WOW". She was beautiful. She had this fluid movement when she walked, and I was transfixed ... the search for me was all over from our first conversation. She was confident, clever, funny, and I was in love, literally from that night ... In fact I evidently told her niece this when I picked Sonya up for our second or third date.

That was in December and we were engaged in February. If our meeting felt like a fairy tale, our relationship at times, however, has been a bit more of a challenge. She has lost both her parents ... Her brother took his life a week or so after our wedding ... She left her family when we moved to New Zealand so that I could follow my dreams ... and I can be difficult to be with.

I get engrossed in things, especially work and can get distracted for months on end... Sadly, at times, despite her loving and strong spirit, life is hard and I only ever want her to be happy ... To borrow a saying from my uncle ... "She's my girl"

I guess this is summed up in the saying "Love is a condition where another person's happiness is essential to your own."

It's been over 18 years now, and we've always been in love. I guess like all relationships there have been ebbs and flows as we've grown apart and then back together again ... She has cared for me and dedicated her life to me and my family.

So it's actually very simple ...

If I love her so much, and she has done so much for me ... waking up, getting out of bed each night and turning her light off seems the very least I can do to make her happy and to say "I love you"

As a Fire Fighter, I get to spend some time with people at the end of their lives, and it gives you a moment to reflect on your own. Does this person die with regrets? Will I or the people I love do the same? It therefore seems a great irony that, at the closing moment in someone else's life, your own involvement makes you feel so alive. As you work on a person with CPR your adrenaline rushes, you're instantly present and if you did have any worry it vanishes. It's not fun, but it is a very powerful moment where you focus on what is important. I read a wonderful book a few years ago called "The Tibetan Book Of Living and Dieing", and so it was a great honour this week to hear Tenzin Kacho, a Buddhist Nun, speak. (She was formerly Emi Kiyosaki, sister of Robert Kiyosaki, with whom she's written this book.) In her presentation she spoke of her work at an LA Hospice and about the 3 most common regrets people have at the end of their lives and I have listed them below. These regrets tend to be the same, rich or poor, and irrespective of race. I don't really have regrets, but I did last year write of a few of my own. LOL many people don't have any "million dollar ideas" and I have had and ignored more than I can count. If there is anything I have learnt over the years, to be a successful entrepreneur and happy human being you must do your best to avoid these regrets, and most importantly learn to take ...

#1 - Take a leap of faith

I am sure this one affects us all, but must be the one that holds the key to the most excitement and passion in our lives. To unlocks life's riches we must simply take a leap of faith. All the regrets I spoke about in my post occurred because I didn't take that leap. If you want love, you must eventually take that leap, and if you want to be successful in business you must continually take those leaps of faith ... “Have Courage or Die”

#2 - Say what needs to be said

The second regret is people focus on all the things they should have said but didn't, often having left things until it was to late. Maybe not telling someone they loved them, or a child they were proud of them, or not having stood up for themselves and expected more from others. Sonya and my relationship is a testament to the fact that most of the deep issues did not occur from what "was said", but "what wasn't".

#3 - Forgive

Anger, resentment, and hurt are a dark cloud that travels with us through our lives if we do not learn to forgive. This darkness and the associated stories have a way of stacking emotionally over time if we do not learn and choose to forgive. It is interesting therefore that, one of the most common regrets is to have 'not forgiven'. Is it possible that, given the perspective of our 'whole life', issues that once seemed so huge become irrelevant. I find myself wondering: How would someone's life change if they forgave when it mattered, rather than when it was too late?

Let's commit ...

We have one go at this, so let's live a little dangerously. Let's tell people what we want and need, let's tell people what they need to hear, even if it's as simple as "I love you", or "I'm proud of you". Let's let go of any hurt and decide to forgive – because as soon as we do, a burden will be lifted. And in everything we do ... let's take a leap of faith.   This post was my homework for day two "31 days to build a better blog"

Imagine if there was something that, if you did it consistently, would improve all relationships completely. Wouldn't that be amazing? I don't want to overstate it, but I think the concept of the "Umbrella of Rapport", might just be that powerful, so please enjoy. Today I came across some notes from an internal presentation that I did for our sales people last year on how they might improve their relationships, in this case with our clients. Part of it included this powerful idea. I don't take credit for it, I first heard it from Tony Robbins, but I have added my own thoughts below.
In my opinion the price of entry in business today, includes a number of things without which you won't even be considered. These are: - Being professional - Being trustworthy and reliable - Being educated - Working hard - Having a plan for success To stand out you need to do even more, which is where rapport comes in. SO WHAT IS THE UMBRELLA OF RAPPORT? Essentially it's the idea that you must base all your interactions around the idea of building and maintaining rapport ... If you do, life is good, if you don't you get wet. Imagine for a moment that you aren't in a negotiation, but you are the gentleman above walking with his partner. For both of you to share this umbrella he must assume the responsibility of keeping both of them dry, not just himself. Life is generally the same, in that we must all take responsibility for the rapport we have with others, and not take it for granted, because as soon as it's broken relationships become strained. So let's look at this example from a few different perspectives. What if ... - One is party is small and the other big? Suddenly we have different needs, these needs must be honored. - One person is walking fast while other wants to go slow or stop all the time. We all know that this can be really frustrating, but if it's a fact we must allow for it: otherwise this is a guaranteed way for one of you to be wet and pissed off. - Whose responsibility is it to maintain rapport, who is in control? The person holding the umbrella (running the negotiation) or the other person. The truth is we both need to take care. - What if you must break rapport? Maybe the man decides he must run for the car. Maybe in life everyone's needs can't be met, or a difficult message needs to be delivered. Is breaking rapport justified and how might it be recovered? - Who sets direction? - Who must be the most careful? Image how your marriage might be if your first goal was to love and honor that person, to build and maintain rapport before trying to meet your own needs. You would suddenly see that we travel at different speeds, have different needs, and both must work at communication. Image if you "loved" your customers, or should I say treated them with love, making rapport the central goal first, before the sale? What would those relationships be like, what would being at work be like? Sadly I think most of us are fairly careless when it comes to the rapport we have with others, myself included at times. We are successful often due to good luck rather than good management, and that's what makes this concept so powerful. If you dare to be different, if you dare to throw your heart into your relationships first, you stand out as a shinning light in comparison to everyone who's just going through the motions. Further Reading Rapport in education Rapport in sales In dating ... Please forgive me for this example :-) Rapport with your coffee I hope you enjoyed this, I'd love to hear your own stories and what you think, how about sharing below?

When I say danger, I am not exaggerating. If you are online and geotag your photos you risk being robbed, raped or murdered if you aren't very careful. I do apologise, I don't like having depressing stuff on my blog, but you do need to be a little scared; you do need to consider how you work online. If you value your property and especially your life read on.

So what is Geotagging

Wikipedia describes Geotagging as: the process of adding geographical identification metadata to various media such as photographs, video, websites, or RSS feeds, and a form of geospatial metadata. These data usually consist of latitude and longitude coordinates, though they can also include altitude, bearing, accuracy data, and place names.

That sounds pretty harmless, so what's the problem?

The problem is that people innocently take photos of their home, where they hang out, their friends' places etc, and then upload them up to the web. If your camera saves geo-tag data, as my iPhone does, that information is uploaded with it. We are becoming very social beasts and share our lives on twitter, facebook etc, and unfortunately, that places location data in the hands of potential cyber-stalkers. Having an unlisted number is useless if you do things like this. There are two problems with this. One is that through facebook and twitter etc these people know your habits. And secondly, with geo-tagging, combined with Flickr and Google Street View etc, they know where you do it. Potentially where you live, where you walk the dog, where your kids go to school etc.

Scary ... but what's a Cyber Stalker?

Essentially Cyber Stalking is where one person becomes infatuated with another and starts obsessively following them online. I've had this happen a couple of times and it can be quite scary. Sometimes these people are covert and remain largely silent, other times they will make every attempt to make contact and be noticed. This can be emotionally very stressful, but it becomes physically dangerous when that obsession moves offline, and that is the point of this post. If you geo-tag your photos carelessly you make it so much easier for this to happen. Here are a couple of useful resources for assistance with Cyber Stalking: The National Center For Victims of Crime, and WiredSafety.org

Here are five things you can do to protect yourself

#1. Consider turning off Geotagging in your camera and mobile. Certainly if it asks, "Can I use location data?" don't do so at home or other places you consider 'private'. I wouldn't care too much about it when on holiday for example, and in fact it's quite a cool feature in iPhoto, but I wouldn't use it where my family regularly hang out. #2. Talk to the kids. Make them aware of the danger of this. In fact monitor all your children's online activity and set strict rules around interacting with strangers. #3. If you like this feature, then just don't upload to flickr etc without first stripping the meta data out of the photo. #4. Don't be scared online, but don't be blasé either. Be considered about how people are interacting with you and whether or not they might be a risk. Some of my best friendships are with people I have met over the internet, but you must be careful. #4. Spread the word. Please Please Please. Re-Tweet, Digg, and Stumble this post and let people know about the risks. The more people are aware, and the more we pressure places like Flickr to provide features that protect and/or educate us the safer we will all be. Am I being over zealous? I don't think so, but I'm curious what you think. Step 1 - Spread the word NOW ... Thanks :) Step 2 - Let me and others know what you think, and/or do to stay safe online.

Over the last 6 months or so I've been to France, UK (twice), Australia (3 times), Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, USA (3 times), and if you are based in New Zealand like me that's a lot of flying. For a lot of people that sounds glamorous, and on occasion it can be, but seriously, the inside of a hotel room in Paris isn't much different from one in Las Vegas and if you don't get out of it you could be anywhere. I've just got back from a course in San Antonio (Texas) and by the time I left I felt like a caged rat. In 8 days I only got outside my hotel 4 times, and that was to cross the road to get some lunch. In February I was in Las Vegas and saw the sky only once in five days and that was to cross the road on our way to dinner.

So what went wrong?

When I go away, I tend to load up with catch-up work to do in the evenings, you know the sort of thing – where you haven't been able to get something off your plate for ages. This time I never even got to do that. The course was 10-12 hours a day, we had a software launch at home I was helping with, and when I did have a spare moment I worked on an ebook I have been writing and want to publish soon.

Let me be a warning to you!

Do that for 8 days, or even worse, once it becomes a way of life, you watch your health deteriorate, your frustration levels rise, your productivity drop and realise there is good reason for being overweight. Not to mention the absence of any fun. It doesn't need to be like that, and last week was certainly a turning point for me. I've been doing this long enough, I should know better.

What should you do instead?

Don't lock yourself in your room. Take time out to discover the city you are in. Some of our staff make sure they plan at least one 'key' experience, whether a special meal or a show. This ensures the travel stays fun and they have wonderful stories to share.

Don't eat in the hotel, and especially room service. Discover your surrounding eateries. Whether it be as simple a visiting the local Whole Foods or  a Thai restaurant, the quality of food will likely be better, healthier and hopefully cheaper. If you can, enjoy the walk there as you will get to see the sights and stretch your legs.

Network. I did get to network with people on the course, at breakfast and over lunch, but from experience I have found spending time over dinner is much more effective for establishing long term relationships. That is when people really unwind, share stories and have fun together. Make sure that on at least some nights you go out and discover the city with your new friends.

Don't over commit. Travel, and the job you have gone to do is work enough. Try to focus and giving this thing 110% of your focus and look after yourself. You will do a much better job there, and be twice as effective when you get home. Having said that, there can be a lot of downtime so make sure you take a good book, your iPod, our some basic work to kill the time.

Use the pool or gym. I know it can be more expensive staying in a hotel with a full gym facility and pool, but it is well worth it. Get up early, do a good 30-60 minutes on the bike or treadmill and you'll have full energy for the day and jet lag will be a thing of the past.

Ignore family. I don't really mean ignore your family, but telling yourself you miss them, and want to be home, is not going to make the trip go any quicker. It's just going to make you miserable. I find this is easier said than done, but you need to focus on the job at hand and keep your thoughts with you. Plan your contact and use services like Skype to stay in touch. Your family should know you love them, and that you will be home safe soon.

Sleep, sleep, sleep. With all the work to be done, the networking completed and the change of time zones, this can be a challenge. But sleep is crucially important to your health, your ability to concentrate and, if you are doing a course like the one I was, then there is a significant link between sleep and learning. My tip for long distance travel is to try to keep normal hours when you get there. Don't be tempted to go to bed at 10 am when you arrive because it's 10 pm at home. Stay up until at least 8-9 pm so you get a good night's sleep. Once you get to around that time, and as soon as that wave of tiredness hits, it should immediately be lights out. If you push on to watch the end of the movie you are going to be up for hours and in real trouble.

Anyway enjoy your travels, be more responsible than I have been, make sure you enjoy yourself and good luck with your travels.