With great sadness we have said goodbye to two family members over the past few weeks.
The first farewell was to to my Auntie Rita, who passed away after a long but brave battle with cancer. She is actually my Mum’s Auntie, but always felt like a Grandmother to me. A beautiful woman that everyone loved from the moment they met her.
My first memory of Rita is when, as kids, we visited her family in Wellington. She made us “Spiders”, a messy mix of Coke and Vanilla ice cream … and instantly became my hero.
My last memory of Rita is of a woman, her body failing her, surrounded by a family loving and adoring her. Not alone for even a minute, because that’s not how you send off someone you love. We all struggle at these moments, but somehow these times bring out stories forgotten and families come together in one unit of strength and compassion.
My enduring memory will be of a woman who dedicated herself to her family. She had a huge heart and always made you feel like the center of her universe. A wicked sense of humor made every visit a joy.
At her funeral I grinned quietly to myself, imagining her in heaven having a cup of tea with Nana and Grandad. At some point in the conversation Nana would ask her, “Did Stephen have the talk with you?” … “Of course,” she would say. :-)
Over my life I’ve had the honor of being with a lot of people in their final hours. What I have observed is that it’s so hard for families to let go. I believe it causes stress for the person leaving.
My message to them is simple. “You go when you’re ready … we love you and don’t want to say goodbye … but don’t worry, we’ll be ok … and of course we’ll see you again soon.”
The other family member we said goodbye to was our cat Millie, she left us yesterday. Now I know some people think to describe a pet as a family member is odd, maybe even offensive, but we have loved her for almost 19 years. She is family to me.
She has been there for almost half my life, through thick and thin … God, I swear sometimes she got in the way of Sonya and I separating as we couldn’t get past ‘who got the cat’.
Like Rita’s passing, Millie’s end brought back so many memories …
Like the time Sonya thought it would be funny to pick me up from work with Millie, then a kitten, sitting on the seat next to her. I thought it was lovely too – until she vomited … Sonya thought it was hilarious but I was covered from head to toe. Millie never traveled well.
She was the “hot cat!” Time and again people would get lulled into a false sense of security when patting her. We always suggested they stop … violence was just around the corner … Nine times out of ten they would continue with a smile and a flippant reply of, ”Don’t worry … I’m a cat person”.
She must have hated that comment because you could guarantee that moments later, the said cat person would be rushing around the room trying to shake the hot, savage cat from their arm. Funny how people have to learn for themselves … lots of people had her love etched into their arms.
Despite being our hot cat she was also one of the most affectionate animals I have ever known. Every time you came home, there she would be waiting for you on the driveway. I loved that. My kids I had to track down, but not Millie, she was my beautiful girl. I will miss that, I will miss her.
Goodbye Rita, Goodbye Millie … we love you both and will miss you until we next see you. Of course you live on in our memories which I hope you understand is the ultimate demonstration of our love for you … xxx
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Your family loss took me back to three years ago when I lost my older brother, Ed. Out of the five sons Ed was the only one that was not red headed. Ed was unique in many ways. He was born with a hearing deficiency and had to wear a hearing aid for most of his life.
Ed was a great high school football player who was offered several football scholorships but he chose not to play college ball. He stayed in our small west texas town and worked in the oil business.
Ten years out of high school he was married and had a daugter and he decided to go to college. Ed graduated from college with honors with an accounting degree. He began working for a tank manufacturer as an accountant. To make a long story short he assended through the ranks to become their comapny Chief Financial Officer.
Ed died young at the age of 60 years old. His death tore my heart out. Even though we never lived in the same city after high school we talked on the phone every Saturday morning. During the year I spent in Viet Nam he wrote me every week. We stayed close to his dying day. I miss him every day and I am crying now as I think about him and write about him.
I know he is in heaven now because God never made a better brother, husband, father or man.
Thank you Lynn. I appreciate you sharing your story. These times are certainly difficult. Unfortunately it happens to the best of us eventually. A prayer for you and your family. x