Does marriage have a lot to answer for?
Hmm, good question. Personally I don’t think so, but it does bring its own set of challenges.
My belief is that relationships, whether with family, friends or lovers, “ebb and flow”, a bit like the tide, and this means they need constant attention and will change over time. Like everyone, Sonya and my relationship has had its high points, but also some low ones. Currently things are absolutely wonderful and the low points long forgotten.
The interesting thing, however, is, at their ‘worst’ relationships have the opportunity to become their ‘best’. Why? Well, because you have nothing more to lose.
- why not say what hasn’t been said before?
- why not deal with the issues that have been bothering you?
Often the things we fight about are not the things that are really the issue; they are just a symptom of a much deeper issue. The question is, do you have the courage to say what needs to be said, and the strength to listen?
I was reminded this morning of a number of mentoring situations where I have been asked to give guidance to a small business in serious trouble. It is amazing how almost always the fundament issue comes down to a conflict between the owners, or the owner and their spouse. It isn’t that the business isn’t viable but that there is a difference of opinion between the couple, or that they each have a very different tolerance for risk.
When asked by some close friends to help them review a business they wanted to buy, I spent more time convincing them that they needed some “rules of engagement” than that they needed a good plan. I knew they were extremely capable and the business would come naturally; I just needed to make sure they both were clear on their own “risk profile” and how the long hours of work would impact on their lives.
If you are having issues in your business, are there issues at home that need to be resolved before you can prosper? Maybe you need to spend some time reassuring your spouse that things will be ok, or just possibly you need to suck up a little pride and admit you need some help.
At the end of the day you also need to know, who is going to be the boss
Just my 2 cents worth on this beautiful morning. What are your thoughts?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
BTW When I say listen … I mean listen with an open heart, not your ego!
I had a quote in a post recently that said.
“love is a condition, where an others happiness is essential to your own”
This post made me think and remember how my own marriage visited it’s ebbs and flows. The first three years were a tremendous amount of work. We often wondered why we bothered sticking on there.
Then, at one point, it fell into place. We learned how to give and take, what was worth actually arguing about (answer = not much), and how to appreciate how cool the other person is.
We are very happy, but it’s because we figured out how to be. I’ll have to think more on this. I don’t have much more clear advice than to stick it out the first few years and accept that with great love comes great work.
I realize that had nothing to do with business but perhaps the rules are the same – stick it out the first few years and learn how to give and take. And etc, as above.
I agree. Most long lasting relationships, be it business or personal, have similar foundations of trust and understanding. It’s these foundations that see you throught the not-so-good times that are inevitable.
@jilly … sticking with it is so important, sadly many people give up just as they are about to learn something new about each other.
@john … So true … didn’t someone coin the phrase “emotional bank account”, that being where you put into the relationship … making emotional deposits, and from that strong base every so often when you need to, or when times are tough you can take back a little, or at least you have a strong buffer.
Good points, Steven. I like the point on finding and establishing a common ground and also (unpopular a concept as it may be) the concept that someone has to be the boss/leader/man in the relationship. I think in today’s society we end up thinking we’re all ‘the man’, and we end up playing endless tug-of-wars… It makes for interesting musing on a lazy Monday…