Wikipedia describes Empathy as the capability to share and understand another’s emotions and feelings, and is characterized as the ability to “put oneself into another’s shoes”.
This connection to others is both an honorable and natural feeling, but can also often drive us to do something that, is the completely wrong thing to do. Since joining the Fire Service I’ve seen many situations where peoples empathy for another has not only caused them to be unable to render help, but on occasions has actually put everyone in danger.
In a blog post the other day Seth Godin talked about empathy and asked marketers to not assume they know how people are feeling emotionally. His logic was that unless you had had the same experience, how could you know how a person was feeling and that it was therefore dangerous to pretend you do.
I agree with this, but in a stressful, high anxiety situation, peoples imagination and emotions can run away on them if the environment is not managed and if people do not control their own state. As we grow, we develop a strong natural empathetic response. It’s that feeling that makes us want to rush over and help someone we see struggling, or aid someone in pain.
The problem is, if we get caught up in that emotion – we actually lose the ability to help.
What I’ve discovered, partly through training and partly through observation is that there is a space (a period of time) between the stimulus (what happened) and your response to it. For some people that time doesn’t seem to exist and they react so quickly, so the challenge is to take a deep breath and take as long as needed to respond appropriately.
‘Feel’ but don’t get caught up
It’s important to have empathy and show compassion, but you can’t get caught up in the emotion of the situation. You help best when you are totally present and strong.
What’s your role
Be clear, “what’s my role in this situation”, and respond appropriately. At the scene of a car accident it would be a natural instinct to want to help a crying child first and remove them from the situation and give comfort. But to remain effective we must control those feelings, and do what is right. To solve an emotional situation effectively there should be a process that works best
The same situation we see on the Fire Ground exist in normal life.
To be effective in our jobs, our businesses, and our families, we need to learn to have empathy without over reaction, this allows us to assess and then act in the most effective manner. If not the situation becomes overwhelming and we lose both our clarity of thought and the creativity required to solve the problem at hand.
Empathy can become an addiction
It feels good to be connected emotionally to people, but it is not always best to be like that. Build a strong emotional muscle to help guide your response as It’s a lot easier to assess and react to a situation by looking in ‘at it’ rather than when you are ‘too close’.
In business we’re required to make big decisions in stressful environments, think strategically under pressure and set an example for our employees. Don’t go running into any burning building without taking a minute to control your frame of mind.
I’m a believer in education, I really am, and my children’s eduction is very important to me. I’ve pursued high-level tertiary education myself, and I regularly attend business and personal development courses.
But I’m also a believer in determination, passion and experience. A huge believer in fact, and sitting next to a guy in the Wool business one evening after speaking at an Icehouse event, I was reminded of why…
His story went something like this:
He was sacked from his first job packing shelves at K-Mart when he was young. I believe he left school early as he suffered with dyslexia and to add insult to injury, as he walked from his job that day, his boss told he would never amount to anything.
That comment ignited a fire in his belly. He so badly wanted to prove the world wrong.
He now owns and runs a company in the wool industry turning over tens of millions of dollars each year.
The key to his success wasn’t some fancy education – it was something thats hard to teach – it was pure determination, passion and drive to achieve his dreams.
I truely believe some people are born with it. Born with such determination and passion that it’d be hard for them to fail – like Gary van Ner Chuk. I blogged about him a couple of days ago and posted a video in which he explains how school wasn’t really for him. His constant ‘F’ grades told him that.
But get this. During the weekends he was down at the mall earning over $2k selling base ball cards each week, and dispite what the education system said about him, he’s gone on to become famous and build a company turning well over $60m a year.
A lot of people fail in the ’system’, but one of the things I’ve learnt over my career in is that there’s no substitute for determination and passion. Someone who’s clear about their dreams and has the drive to achieve them, will almost always outsmart someone with only an education.
I’ve also learnt as a father that I’ll only influence my children if I have their attention and respect. More important than my children’s education is that they learn to focus, to be strong in themselves, to form their own opinions and believe they can do anything. Their self esteem is precious to me.
Unfortunately those values aren’t always treasured in the education system, but I am certain it will do a lot more for you over the long term than any single university degree.
I love drawing and outlining at my white board or in my note book because I connect emotionally with my thoughts so much more powerfully and with more clarity than if I use my computer alone.
In this video Milton Glaser talks about drawing while he is drawing, and makes an observation of art schools where drawing has been removed from the curriculum to allow time to learn software. It seems increasingly that students now have the creative tools, but not the emotional connection with their craft.
‘How did you become so wealthy?’ is a question I’ve asked plenty of people in my life. But the answer I got from a very successful colleague of mine when I worked at Xerox wasn’t about a product, or a service, or a sales or marketing strategy. It was about a belief that underpinned everything he did.
His answer was this. “I got rich by making other people rich… I add value to peoples lives.”
He took it upon himself every day, to go out and add value to peoples lives – whether it was his clients’, or his customers’ or his friends’.
Now you’re not necessarily going make people rich simply by adding value to them, but by believing you can add value in a way specific to your industry, the wealth in whatever form it may be, will follow.
Let me use Queensberry as an example. We add value to our customers by doing three things:
1) Helping our clients make more money – by differentiation
2) Saving our clients time – by offering to do their post-production work or providing tools so they can do things more easily
3) Giving our clients with a better experience than anyone else
If our clients don’t feel like we deliver on at least one of those areas – we may as well not exist and we wouldn’t be flourishing if you didn’t add value to your customer’s lives in some way.
You need to express your care in a way people will value
I wrote a while ago about how I demonstrate my love for my wife Sonya by turning her light off for her each night. I do this because I know that she likes me doing it. The same principle applies in business. It’s our job to understand how our clients like to be loved and what makes them tick. Then we can go the extra mile and add value in a way they didn’t even know we could.
At Queensberry, we know it’s simply not enough to just add value to our clients’ (Photographers) lives as they are not the end user. Their Brides and Grooms are the ones turning the pages of our albums, cherishing the memories and emotionally connecting with the story they tell.
It’s our goal to add value to them also by providing a treasure that they can remember their day by and hand down through the generations.
If we do it right, we might even provide Brides and Groom’s with an experience better than they had on the day. Their album is a reflection of the detail, the emotion, the love, the family, the venue… most of which is often just a blur. We’re adding value to our clients, by also adding value to theirs.
Be clear how you add value to your clients
The challenge is to do it in an authentic, respectful and in way that honors people, and real value is only really provided when it’s perceived as of value from the other persons perspective.
When a Bride and Groom cries when they open their album for the first time, or when our product helps a photographer up-sell to their clients, or when we can help a photographer spend more time with their family by doing some of their work for them – we’ve added value to their life in a way that no marketing or sales strategy could ever achieve.
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